Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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