my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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