Define "chronic" masturbator.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
