So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
