at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
