he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize