I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
