Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think people are normalizing furries
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