He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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