Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
