hell yes lets make some ravioli
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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