Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
