So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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