Need sex. Gaining weight.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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