Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
