Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
