i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
