So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
