what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
