Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
