it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
