dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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