All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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