I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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