so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
