the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
