i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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