and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did i walk over a car last night?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
