It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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