She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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