i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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