well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
