We're facebook friends in real life
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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