why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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