i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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