Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
