You work out of a Hotel?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
