Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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