So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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