I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
