Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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