dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Princesses don't give blow jobs
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
