You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
