All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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