3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
