It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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