You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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