It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
