Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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