Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
