I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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