I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We had to coat check the pizza.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
