After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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