I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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