Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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