mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
