I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
