I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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