I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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