He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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