just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
