We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
