Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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