I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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