remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
