best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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