I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
