how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
