Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize