Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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