So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
