I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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