if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
never play flip cup with pint glasses
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
