AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
