Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
