Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
