Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
