and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
